The sun is warm to the skin and the breeze is gentle enough to maintain the constant coolness of comfort. The waves are softly rolling unto the shore with every passing boat. Waves are beautiful to look at and to listen to while the sun dances on the surface behind them. Waves are the sound of constant change in the water and the shoreline. When the winds are extremely calm there are silent waves but the storms create crashing waves that alter every sand in reach of its power.
Our lives are full of waves. Waves that allow us to wade into the water and enjoy the peace and stillness with a calm spirit. Waves that flow with such force and move us unto to a different part of the beach. Our waves are produced by the world around us and within us. The light breeze of getting a better job and stepping into calmer more soothing waters. The torrent winds of living with an active addict that crash us into the shore and leave us exhausted from fighting the riptides of chaos. The storm clouds creating larger waves that push us down the beach unto new sands that offer us a different perspective on our life. Change can be so good when we are stagnant from fears of changing or drowning in the pain of someone’s else actions towards us. Living with a narcissist, sociopath, borderline personality disorder or addict that is not willing to address his/her issues and doesn’t want to change for himself and his/her loved ones is the most exhausting life of treading water in a sea of ever changing levels and force. I know that I am looking forward to change of a new start at a new life where I am not treading the deep and dark stormy waters of his painful actions and words trying to drown me. I have been fighting these waters for 18 years now and I am done and am so excited to swim up to a new beach with softer sands and calmer waves.
Waves of change can be managed in different ways. They can be fought until near deadly exhaustion consumes your soul. Or they can be ridden to a new place where only healing and recovery welcome you on the shore. I choose the latter of these. My arms, legs, heart and mind are exhausted from the first option. I am worth more than the first option. I don’t deserve to be held under the waves only to be let up for enough oxygen to keep my alive. I deserve to feel the sun’s loving warmth wrap around my skin and reach into my soul. I deserve to feel the safety of the soft sand on my feet as I walk towards a new sunset promising a better day when I wake. I deserve love, happiness, respect and honesty. I ride the wave away from the painful man trying to drown me and towards a new life in a better place. A place where I can provide safety, security and healing for me and my children.
Remember sometimes we cannot ride these waves alone and we need friends and family to encourage us away from the near death every day. These dark souls make us believe that we are not worth anything but the storm. Healing is a process when dealing with the PTSD of abuse from someone who sick. It is not a short ride but it is an important ride. Reach out for help. Reach out to those who love you and want you to be better and alive. Pray for help. God, your friends and your family do not want to see you go below the surface. They want to see you on the shore with them; they want to see you to celebrate life because they know that you are worth it. Believe them. Be gentle as you may be so used to treading waters and swimming away will not always be easy. Believe in yourself. Believe in your worth. Believe in a better life.
Breathe Out Deep, Dark Water, Breathe In Warm Sun. Breathe Out Fear, Breathe In Comfort. Breathe Out Others Pain, Breathe In Your Healing. Breathe Out Exhaustion, Breathe In Rest.