Love has taken on a entirely new form it seems. It lost its honest soul that motivates people to do good for good and be the light inside of the darkness. To stand up for a cause in the right way. To show support without aggression. To speak the truth without yelling. To embrace another without expectations. To simply love without strings or judgements. To not abuse someone who offers you love and support. When did love become such a shadow hiding in every day life? Maybe it always has been this way, but I am just now starting to understand it and really see it and feel it deep within my heart. Maybe it is the path my life is on at this time and love is harder to see through the many shadows around me.
Have you ever felt that the world is going to hell in a hand basket? Well, that is how I am feeling lately for so many reasons. I have spent the past 15 years in an emotionally abusive marriage where I did everything to make this narcissistic addict love me, see me and want to be with me. I allowed him to make me believe that I would never be enough, that there was something wrong with me. He did leave visible bruises with his fists of anger but he made my spirit and heart bleed with lies, secrets and manipulations of anger towards my love for him and us. I even reached out my severely weak hand to lift him up during his drug use. I loved enough to see him and the big picture than just myself. Living this way drains the energy from a soul. This drains the pools of love because you give and give from your resevoir but do not receive more to fill it back up in return. It is an emotional drought of your soul. You drain the tank and just run on empty for years. Eventually, you can no longer sustain yourself, you heart, your mind, your spirit running on nothing, not even fumes. However depleted I became, I am proud that I can love this way and still can even after being so beaten for my love. I can carry love on.
Coronavirus brought fear and people doing all they could to protect themselves and those that they love. But it was so sad to me that it grew anger and blame for other countries and governments. It brought out protests for what people saw as their right to choose a mask or not. A simple mask could save a life. Maybe your life. Maybe your loved one’s life. Maybe one of the worker’s who is saving lives. Simple mask showed love for others and yourself. This virus brought out people hoarding simple items that could save lives of those working to save lives. All for economic gain of themselves? Is money more important than a human life? There was definitely so many good acts and such positivity spread by the medical workers and people spending hard earned money to help others. The picture that stands in my mind is this one nurse in a mask standing up to a mass of protesters without masks. Such love in one person to stand up and show how simple love for each other can be displayed. What was she doing wrong? Her job to save lives of everyone, even that protester? Her own life was on the line to save more. That is love from the deepest place of a heart. Saving others at the expense of yourself. Why can’t love rule and we stand together? It hurts my soul that there is a sea of aggression and darkness trying to push love away. But we can carry love on.
Now these protests. These protests. So much aggression and darkness abounds behind the fires and broken glass. Where is the love for George and the others who have wrongfully died. These acts are not love for these victims. Stealing a new pair of Nikes from a store is not love. Shooting a cop in the head to show that you protest this is not love for George. Ruining the lives on innocent business owners just trying to survive after the shutdown, this is not love for George. Why is it so much easier to fuel hatred than it is to fuel love? Why can’t everyone in this world stand in unison, in silence, dressed in all black to mourn the loss of love and acceptance and working together to make this world a better place to live? Why can’t these protests mimic the cities where cops and civilians walk hand in hand in love and solidarity to create a consciousness of positive change. That would be love growing out of pain. That would be love dominating the new movement towards a better tomorrow. We can carry love on.
Today, I am feeling that this darkness over the world is the saddest weight laying on my soul. When did we get so lost in ourselves? When did we get so lost in the true meaning of “love one another” that we were taught as children? People are so ego driven with aggressive tones of wanting what they feel is best for themselves without the big picture coming into their view. From the narcissist in my life doing what pleases only him regardless of the bleeding souls on his path to the protesters losing site of the reasons behind what they are doing for a change towards the better, we are living in a world where love seems to be hiding in the shadows because it was put there. We are living in an emotional drought of love and acceptance. We are all in different places in our lives and affected by these places in different ways. Some are living in love and are here to help it grow again by spreading their rich supply from their souls. Others are so dehydrated by the missing positivity that they need love and to feel love again. We can love ourselves first and foremost to make sure that it never dies. But rememberer that loving yourself is not about an ego or self-advancement at the cost of others. Loving yourself actually helps you love others better. Can we all just love without the pain that grows from ignorance, selfishness and hatred? We can learn from pain, even the pain we may have caused in the past. Learn from it and grow into a loving and accepting soul. We are all made from the same dirt and start life in the same way. So why do we fight each other? I pray that God embraces us and guides us to a better tomorrow where we can grab the hand of a neighbor and hold it tightly until the love starts to grow again and diminishes the darkness hanging over this world. We can carry love on.
Breathe Out Hatred, Breathe In Love. Breathe Out Violence, Breathe In Love. Breathe Out Impulsive Aggression, Breathe In Love. Breathe Out Emotional Drought, Breathe in Love. Breathe Out Darkness, Breathe In Love.